I'm not orbiting in my desired path; I'm out of my axis.
The 5 letters, O-R-D-L-O, that are proverbial to every man who served the nation seemed encouraging to me at some instances, but I'm feeling lost in that shade of faded sky blue. I don't know where I'm headed at this point of time, but I know I'm going somewhere. I feel conflicted when I want to complete my job, and yet at the same time I don't want to. I'm disappointed in myself for my lacklustre performance in training, and that's that - just disappointed and cold-eyed - but I try to continue trying.
I wake up, don the uniform, buckle my belt, adjust my collar, wear my black socks, wipe my shoes, put on my shoes, and make sure my trusty pen and camp pass are in place. I look at myself in the mirror and feel momentarily bemused. I'm unsure of where to look in the mirror to find a hint of familiarity. My battered black spectacles have been with me for at least 3 years (ahh~ a hint of familiarity), but staring at the microscopic sand dunes in my eyeballs was the only comfy thing to do. I don't have microscopic vision, but imagination is good enough for my mind to create sand angels. Then, I feel satisfied and I head out for the day. I've heard of so many advices along the line of "liking the things you do, instead of doing the things you like", which I do not believe in. "I dislike" equals to "I dislike" and I dislike doing the things I dislike. Note to self: I could speak more politically correctly next time or just fake a smile and say "Okay" and nod my head.
Chatting with a friend over the phone and staring at the fish in the artificial pond had become my genial abode. I do that after work hours when it's still bright. I want to place my bum on the concrete ground, but the rules regarding the uniform forbids me to. Those rules are a pest!
I'll gladly stick out my finger if anyone would place a ruler on it to let me balance.